I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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