I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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