so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
