Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i believe in u and ur pee
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
