Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
