I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
