I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
