the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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