So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
