I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
