you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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