Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize