Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
