I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
