That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
