we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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