I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
