Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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