There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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