Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
