I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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