Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
