Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Mom said you looked used
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
