STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
