one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
ttyl tear gas
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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