thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
