3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
