My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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