I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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