I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
