Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
