Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
