yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
