he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
