Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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