U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
