do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
