the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
