Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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