So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
