She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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