Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize