it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
