i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
