so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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