My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
