Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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