ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
