just tell him i said nine months
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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