what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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