he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
