My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
