hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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