where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
