I wish I only lived at night.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
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You dont lie about slip and slides
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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