I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
