She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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