I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
