Me. At least after what I've been through.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
