you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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