I wish my penis had an off switch
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
