ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
are you so shy because you have an std?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
