the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
