singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
