i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
COCAINE IS GR8
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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