Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
